Silly Reasons Against Marrying a Non-Christian

A while ago I was doing some background reading to try and figure out whether it is ok to marry a non-christian or not and I found - this page. The author of the webpage gives a number of reasons why you shouldn't. However I would like to address these reasons.

* A born again believer cannot share the most important part of her life – the spiritual part – that part of you which has been united with Christ – with her husband. True, your husband will not be an active part in it, however if they love you then they will be willing to talk about it with you.

* If Christ is not the center of your husband’s life, then who or what is? (In Bob’s case it was himself) Again, fair point, and I acknowledge that they may disagree with some parts of the christian faith, but surely that's no different to any relationship, there will always be points you disagree on.

* If your husband’s moral values aren’t based on the Bible, then what ARE they based on? What does HE believe about controversial issues such as abortion, divorce, drugs, euthanasia? These are topics which you really should have discussed BEFORE GETTING MARRIED!!!

* Even closer to home, what does HE believe about how children should be disciplined? (Bob said “You smack them – then they can hate you.”) Again, this is something that should be discussed BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED! This woman obviously didn't know the man that she was marrying. Plus there are plenty of christians who hold that view and many non-christians who dont, so she cant blame this on her husband being an unbeliever - he's simply a not very nice man.

* And speaking of the children, will your husband agree with your sending them to Sunday School, taking them to church, taking part in whatever rites your church practices; or will he say that children should not be brain-washed with religion, but should be allowed to wait until they are adult, and can then make up their own minds? Again, this is something that I've already discussed with my boyfriend. I dont want my kids to be brainwashed either. I was brought up in a christian setting, and although I will take my kids to sunday school, I would never force it upon them, and I would encourage them to make up their own minds. Faith is a very personal thing, and as much as I would love for my kids to be Christians, you cant force it upon them.

* If your husband is not familiar with the idea of having a “Quiet Time” – a time you spend in reading your Bible and talking to God – is he willing to give you the time and privacy you want for this? If your husband is a decent man then when you explain to him what you are doing then he should give you the space to do it, regardless of whether he is a christian or not.

* If you going through a time when you’re not on speaking terms with God, how will you explain to your husband why you are down in the dumps, and don’t feel like talking? Because if you try to tell him, he won’t be able to understand, because the Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 2:14 says:

      The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.

(Bob’s reaction? “What the #@*!* are you crying about now?”) Again, this is simply a case of her husband being an asshole. My boyfriend would never speak to me like that. Although he might not understand the intricacies of my faith, he is remarkably supportive of it and he understands that it is between me and God and he gives us a respectful space to work things out.

* And speaking about this verse; how will he react if you tell him “I believe God wants me to join a church in a different suburb.” (Bob said, “You only want to go to that suburb for its snob value.”) I dont think my boyfriend would really care. I dont mean that in a nasty way, it's just a church is a church at the end of the day.

* Come to think of it, how are you going to explain any of God’s guidance? I admit that this is one where an unbeliever would lack the faith to see what is unseen. However if they trust you and they want the best for you, then they should back you in your decisions.

* How will your husband react if, as you mature in Christ, the Lord convicts you to stop certain practices that you currently have no qualms about? * Will there be any disagreement about the way you celebrate Christmas and Easter? Not every Christian makes a fuss over Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. (Of course my grandkids preferred their grandfather, because HE knew that Christmas and Easter were meant to be exciting times, with visits to Santa Claus, and gifts from Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.) I already hate Satan claus and have never done the easter bunny thing. As before, my boyfriend respects me enough that this wouldnt be an issue. We'd talk about it like adults and come to a decision we can both agree on. At the end of the day, any couple who get married, regardless of religious standing, will have things they dont see eye to eye on, and these things just need to be talked through.

* Will you agree on, or argue about, things like Christmas cards (The Babe in the Manger or Santa Claus), playing Bingo, buying Lotto tickets, watching R-rated shows on the TV, etc.? (Bob used to put lottery tickets inside Christmas cards that said things like “May The Prince of Peace Be With You At This Holy Time”!) This one just made my boyfriend laugh. They blatantly didn't communicate very well, either that or he was just a dick.

* What if he wants to go to – or even take you to – erotic floor-shows, etc? Since you are Christ’s, He indwells you. So Christ goes wherever you go. Well that's when you say NO. This woman vowed to obey her husband and then agreed to do everything he said and then tried to blame the bad consequences on the fact that he wasn't a christian. If my husband, christian or not, asked me to do something I wasn't happy about, I'd tell them as much, and simply refuse to do it. I'm nobody's property, and will never be treated like that.

* What if he buys you sex manuals that suggest that things like “threesomes” are fun? Then again, I'd simply say "NO". We have freedom to choose what we want to do, and any marriage where someone is forced to do things against their will is not a good marriage.

* If you decline to watch television shows you find offensive, will your husband understand, or will he feel that in rejecting that show, you are rejecting him? Seriously, WHAT? I can confidently say that any differences in opinion that me and my boyfriend have with regards to television shows, music, etc, are not taken personally. We have different tastes, we're different people. He finds things funny that I dont, and vice versa, we're cool with it.

* Has your husband had any involvement with the occult? Does he believe that astrology, fortune telling, ouija boards etc, are just innocent fun? Is he a member of a secret society? No, he prefers to keep well away from that kinda thing.

* What if his family’s life style is different from yours? (Bob’s people were lovely, but they always invited visitors to go to the local club and play Bingo, and the pokies. I don’t drink and I don’t gamble.) Well although I dont drink or gamble but I'll still go and hang out with people who are doing both.

* If you believe in giving 10% (often called a “tithe”), of your earnings to the church, how will your husband feel about it? As long as it's my money he doesn't have a problem what I do with it.

* What will happen when your husband’s planned activities for Sunday are on at the same time as your church’s services? Who gets to use the car? Seriously, grow up. Two people can share a car. How to people cope any other day of the week when their activities clash. You share!

* What do YOU see as being the respective roles of husband and wife? Does your husband agree with you? (Bob was VERY aware that God expected me to obey him, since I had promised to.) Again, this is something you should discuss BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED!

* When a major decision has to be made, who will have the final say, and on what principles will that decision be made? (Naturally I yielded to Bob. His criteria – whatever suited him best.) It should be a joint decision made between two adults.

* One example of this could well be your children’s schooling. If you want to send your children to a Christian school, will your spouse: a) Agree to this? b) Be willing to share the financial burden involved? Well the answer to that one is simple, I would NEVER send my kid to a christian school.

* How will your husband’s indifference to the Lord affect your own spiritual growth? (How greatly – and how adversely – this affected me will show up more in Marriage in a Minor Key. The over-riding phrase as far as I was concerned was “bitterness towards God”.) I think her bitterness towards God was unfair. It was her who promised to obey the guy, God didn't make her. She cant blame God for her own mistakes, after all, He died so that we could have the freedom of choice.

* Are you quietly saying to yourself: “I really love this person, and I know that he is a good-hearted person. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before he comes to know the Lord”? Many people have been mistaken about this. As much as I would love for my boyfriend to become a christian I'm willing to take the risk that he wont. We've discussed things and I'm sure we can make things work even with that difference.

* Does he say that, although he doesn’t believe in God, he’s happy for you to be as religious as you want to? Do you know what God’s word says about people who don’t believe in Him? Psalm 53 says:

      The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God.’ They are corrupt, and their ways are vile; there is no one who does good.

Do you REALLY want to marry a fool? Well there's much worse. Remember it also says that the ways of God are foolishness to those who dont believe, so the feeling is mutual.

* With so many homes these days not only having personal computers, but also having access to the Internet, will your husband agree with you as to what kind of information to download to your hard-drive? I’m not thinking only of obvious things like pornography. I am also thinking of material that is, by its very nature, anti-Christian., e.g. anything to do with the occult. Again, this is something that you should be able to discuss. Me and my boyfriend have already discussed such issues, including what we would do if we found our child has been looking at porn. We are remarkably in agreement about all of that kinda stuff.

So my basic conclusion about her reasons against marrying a non-christian are that they dont stand up. Quite simply she didnt know the man she married, and had obviously not discussed important issues with him before vowing to obey him, and then she blamed God and the fact that her husband was a non-christian on the difficulties that followed. The above reasons should be taken into account when marrying ANYONE regardless of their religious standing. If you dont know someone then dont rush into marriage with them.

Comments

[JS]

So would you advice anyone to enter a relationship with a non christian?

[Ellie]

Well I'm in a relationship with a non-Christian, so I can see the downsides of it. However I'm perfectly happy, so I would say to anyone - do what you believe is right. If you genuinely believe it's wrong, then don't do it. But if you see nothing wrong with it, then go ahead and I wish you all the best. I personally don't believe there's anything wrong with it, but at the end of the day it comes down to what the individual believes.

[Ryan Prouty]

Thank you SO much for your time put in to this - I was searching for answers and found that previous article and got quite a sour taste in my mouth - thanks for your clarification. Also, I don't usually read 'the message' translations, but sometimes find it useful if I find too much Christianese in other translations - here's 'The Message" version of Corinthians 7:1-16:

"1 Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? 2-6Certainly—but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. 7Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.
8-9I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.

10-11And if you are married, stay married. This is the Master's command, not mine. If a wife should leave her husband, she must either remain single or else come back and make things right with him. And a husband has no right to get rid of his wife.

12-14For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God.

15-16On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you've got to let him or her go. You don't have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God.

[Ellie]

Hi there Ryan, thank you so much for your comment. I thought that it was important to get a balance view out there and didnt want biased views like that going unchallenged.

I actually own a Message bible, although I've not read from it in years, preferring my NIV, however thank you so much for sharing that extract, it's amazing how different versions can cast such a different light on things. I think that gets across what I'm trying to say here, so thank you. :)

[savannah]

It is true that a yoke is used to bring two together in harmony. I don't understand though why this verse is always used to refer to marriages. Could this not pertain to two friends being in harmony. Our goal is so seek the lost correct. If one of our friends that we are trying to save is lost is it then wrong to call them our friend.

So two questions:
*Could this verse not be used to refer to other relationships besides marriage since marriage is not specifically stated within this verse?

*Since it says we should not be yoked together with unbelievers (again marriage is not specifically stated) then does that mean it is a sin to have friends that are non-believer's?

Your feedback would be appreciated. Thank you.

[Ellie]

Hi Savannah, thank you for your comment. You actually raise a very good point. I have heard sermons on that verse that say that to not be yoked with unbelievers could even mean in a business sense, i.e. dont get involved in business dealings with unbelievers. This is one of those verses which can be interpreted a multitude of different ways.

My own view of this verse is rather controversial and I will address it in a separate post. However in my opinion this verse is Paul's own personal view, as is a lot of what he has to say about marriage and relationships in general. I do not believe that it is necessarily God's opinion, it is Paul's opinion, and I think this should be remembered when reading his letters to the churches. And also remember, these letters were to specific churches addressing specific issues, and when read out of their historical context some of the meaning can be lost.

I think a better way of putting this verse is "Be careful who you become yoked with, be it marriage or a business relationship, that you are in agreement about the issues that are important to you both, otherwise you will face problems." But that is just my personal view point.

[d.d.]

i found this blog and comments very helpful :) god bless you folks!