Happy Mother's Day?

Well I think I just destroyed my mum's mother's day.

I called her to wish her the best and she asked how I'm doing, and so I filled her in on the details of my current employment situation (just been offered a job) and mentioned how I'm discussing it with my boyfriend as it will affect him and I mentioned that we were going to move in together (something I figured she already knew). But judging by her reaction I would have to guess that she didnt actually know or was refusing to admit it.

There were many painful silences and to say that she's pissed off at me is an understatement. I ended the phone call by telling her that I love her, and she simply responded with "well I'm going now" and hung up.

During the conversation she accused me of not being a Christian (something that doesnt bother me so much these days), she said that me and my boyfriend have nothing in common (even tho I pointed out that we love each other, we want the same things in life and we have the same views on what's right and wrong), she said that committing to one another for life isnt enough to be married, but when I mentioned that one day we'd get the bit of paper saying we're married she said it's more than a bit of paper, and she said that everything I'm doing will all fall to bits around my ears.

When I mentioned that my brother has married a non-christian girl and that they have a great marriage she was shocked (she thought that my sister-in-law was a christian) and she pretty much said that they were doomed to fail too then.

She said that I should wait and see what God wants me to do and that if I just decide to do things without Him then everything will fall to bits. I tried to explain to her that it's my life and I have to make my own choices and that she has to learn to accept that, and if need be let me make my own mistakes. She was horrified at me saying it was my life, she was all "it's not your life, God gave it to you, you cant make your own decisions, you have to do what He wants you to do".

How do I feel about that conversation. Well I'm gutted. I would have hoped that out of everyone in this world my own mother would be the person I can talk to about my choices, my plans, my hopes, my dreams. I would have hoped that my mother would accept me for who I am, despite whatever choices I make. But what do you do when the religion you were brought up with is the dividing point in your family? I've seen the same thing happening with my brother and sister before me, as they've gone into the world and made their own choices and built their own lives the moment they've done something that mother dearest doesnt approve of the judgement falls like a hammer. My sister was ripped apart with feelings of never being good enough for my mother. My brother still holds a lot of bitterness towards my mum for her lack of support.

I never noticed just how narrow minded the religion I was brought up with is until now. It hurts because I love God, I believe in the apostle's creed, I believe in the forgiveness of sins, and I believe in grace. However I'm beginning to see where religion becomes that sword that divides families, which is spoken of in the Bible. And I have to question, do I want any part in that? Do I want any part in the judgemental attitudes, in the black and white "I'm right you're wrong" arrogance? I dont want to be like that.

So on this mothers day I have to say, although I love my mother, and I think she did the best that she knew how, I dont want to be anything like her when I become a mother. And if being a better mother means being a "worse" christian, then so be it!