Glorious Ruin

A Question of Parenting

There is a story in the news right now of a 15 year old girl who was on a family holiday in India who got drunk/stoned, was raped and then murdered. Her mother is under fire right now and being partly blamed for what happened.

The situation from what I've gather is she was having sex in England, doing drugs and drinking. Her mother knew about this, and let her. They were on holiday, the mother and the rest of the family went on a trip, leaving the 15 year old girl alone with some guys they'd only just met (one of which the mother knew the girl was sleeping with).

I look at that and ask, how in the world can the mother NOT be held responsible?! My father taught me that up until the age of 18 what I do is his responsibility. So when I went out at the age of 14 and got drunk he went nuts at me, because I was still his responsibility. What I had done was against the law and since he had not stopped me then he had broken the law too. Now my father didn't know what I had done until after the fact, but he was still willing to stand up and take responsibility for the actions of his under-age daughter.

That girl was too young to be having sex, so how in the world can that mother justify letting her daughter sleep with guys and then try and pretend to be a decent mother? Also any parent that willingly lets someone who's 15 smoke, drink or even worse, do drugs, should not be allowed to have kids! All three counts are against the law! That woman should be locked up if anything for knowingly breaking the law!

And as for leaving her daughter with some strange men in a foreign country, that was just asking for trouble! She has admitted she may have been naive - no woman, you were fucking stupid! What happened should not come as a surprise. You don't leave a 15 year old girl in the company of grown men who are doing drugs and drinking, they do NOT make good baby-sitting material. You were asking for something to happen to your daughter by letting her live that kind of lifestyle. There are plenty of parents who take responsibility for their children's actions and lose them to tragic circumstances, those parents deserve our sympathy. This woman most definitely does not; she handed her daughter over to those men to pretty much do what they wished with her.

It just sickens me to hear about parents like these. And people wonder what's wrong with our country?!

Happy Mother's Day?

Well I think I just destroyed my mum's mother's day.

I called her to wish her the best and she asked how I'm doing, and so I filled her in on the details of my current employment situation (just been offered a job) and mentioned how I'm discussing it with my boyfriend as it will affect him and I mentioned that we were going to move in together (something I figured she already knew). But judging by her reaction I would have to guess that she didnt actually know or was refusing to admit it.

There were many painful silences and to say that she's pissed off at me is an understatement. I ended the phone call by telling her that I love her, and she simply responded with "well I'm going now" and hung up.

During the conversation she accused me of not being a Christian (something that doesnt bother me so much these days), she said that me and my boyfriend have nothing in common (even tho I pointed out that we love each other, we want the same things in life and we have the same views on what's right and wrong), she said that committing to one another for life isnt enough to be married, but when I mentioned that one day we'd get the bit of paper saying we're married she said it's more than a bit of paper, and she said that everything I'm doing will all fall to bits around my ears.

When I mentioned that my brother has married a non-christian girl and that they have a great marriage she was shocked (she thought that my sister-in-law was a christian) and she pretty much said that they were doomed to fail too then.

She said that I should wait and see what God wants me to do and that if I just decide to do things without Him then everything will fall to bits. I tried to explain to her that it's my life and I have to make my own choices and that she has to learn to accept that, and if need be let me make my own mistakes. She was horrified at me saying it was my life, she was all "it's not your life, God gave it to you, you cant make your own decisions, you have to do what He wants you to do".

How do I feel about that conversation. Well I'm gutted. I would have hoped that out of everyone in this world my own mother would be the person I can talk to about my choices, my plans, my hopes, my dreams. I would have hoped that my mother would accept me for who I am, despite whatever choices I make. But what do you do when the religion you were brought up with is the dividing point in your family? I've seen the same thing happening with my brother and sister before me, as they've gone into the world and made their own choices and built their own lives the moment they've done something that mother dearest doesnt approve of the judgement falls like a hammer. My sister was ripped apart with feelings of never being good enough for my mother. My brother still holds a lot of bitterness towards my mum for her lack of support.

I never noticed just how narrow minded the religion I was brought up with is until now. It hurts because I love God, I believe in the apostle's creed, I believe in the forgiveness of sins, and I believe in grace. However I'm beginning to see where religion becomes that sword that divides families, which is spoken of in the Bible. And I have to question, do I want any part in that? Do I want any part in the judgemental attitudes, in the black and white "I'm right you're wrong" arrogance? I dont want to be like that.

So on this mothers day I have to say, although I love my mother, and I think she did the best that she knew how, I dont want to be anything like her when I become a mother. And if being a better mother means being a "worse" christian, then so be it!

Tasers

Ok, I admit that I'm well behind on the news and these two articles only came to my attention today. My first reaction was utter disgust. I was horrified by what I read, and then by what I saw, courtesy of youtube. In one case a student causing a fuss at a debate was dragged away and tasered, and in the other one a student in a library without id who took his time to leave was tasered.

Now I have read just about all of the comments left on these pages and taken into account the different view points being expressed. I have also taken into account what my dad taught me while I was growing up. I'd like to lay out my thoughts on these cases.

• I believe in the law, and I like to believe in law enforcers. They have a tough job and have to handle difficult situations, that often the general public does not understand. Yes, force is sometimes required and they always get slammed when they use it, which isn't always fair on them. We have a dear friend of the family who had to retire from the police force after someone he was arresting slammed him into a gate post, severely damaging his shoulder, and I'm talking properly screwed it up here, not just bruised. Nobody ever hears about the injuries that police officers get in the line of duty, but as soon as they break someone's arm whilst arresting them it's all over the news.
• I also understand that in public debates the police have to be hyper sensitive so to speak and pre-empt any agressive behaviour. For example in the first video one of the police officers draws a gun at the start, but as soon as they see that the guy was unarmed they put it away. When approaching someone they cant afford to take risks if they dont know if the person is armed or not. They have to assume the worst case scenario. I mean think for a moment if that guy had pulled a gun on the auditorium. That's just not worth thinking about. At to give the police person their credit, they put the gun away as soon as they realised that there was no threat.
• Some people have used the whole "the kid was being annoying, he deserved it" line. Sure, he might have been being a pain in the ass, in which case someone from the audience would have been welcome to walk up to him and slap him one and tell him to stop being such an annoying bitch. But police officers, or campus cops, or the gestapo, or whatever these uniformed dudes were, should be able to show some constraint and shouldnt react to someone being annoying. If they taser everyone who annoys them, then they'd better make sure those tasers have long lasting batteries!!!!

But I digress, back to the rational discussion I was having. As I have said, I support the law and it's enforcers and I understand that they have to make many difficult decisions for which they get hassle. However there are a few issues I have with the way they did things. Issues that a few years ago I probably wudnt have had, but I've changed. I once thought smacking a child was acceptable behaviour, now I'm reviewing that stance, and with that I'm reviewing my opinions on violence in general. Excessive violence, or violence at all is rarely, if ever necessary. My issues are as follows:

• In both cases there was the situation of, 1 student who was refusing to leave the premises, multiple officers, and a taser gun. Now my dad served in the US armed forces for 21 years and used to do shore patron on a regular basis, and has also worked as a doorman. I have not discussed with him what he would do in these situations, but from what I have gathered just from growing up with him, what he would have done is as follows. He would have approached the student, firmly but politely asked them to leave, if need be explaining why. If they did not comply he would then have simply, with the help of a colleague, escorted him from the premises, either by taking an arm each and firmly walking him out, or picking him up and carrying if need be. No threats, no shouting, just calmly removing him from the premises. The student would then get dumped outside on the pavement. Job done. If the student was in a mood for discussing it further my dad would attempt to explain to the student why it was necessary to remove him from the building in a calm manner, but being careful as to not get into an arguement. If you've ever seen a good doorman or police man at work, they dont get into arguements, they do what needs to be done, often without saying anything. No yelling, no fuss. That kind of behaviour helps to calm you down and so helps to dispel any trouble making. Yelling gets you worked up and makes you act up more.
• In the first case producing the gun was understandable as I have mentioned before, and yes approaching and restraining someone is dangerous. However neither of these people were really properly fighting. I mean these werent seasoned criminals who were fighting for their lives. They were just confused students protesting to such rough treatment. If you walk up to someone and start dragging them out of a building, chances are if they dont understand what's going on, they'll resist you. So then accusing them of resisting arrest is ridiculous. Chances are if they'd explained to them why they were doing what they were doing the students would have co-operated. Especially in the case of the second student. He was just sat in the library without ID. He wasnt causing a fuss, he wasnt posing a threat to anyone. Yes he was dragging his feet about leaving, but I'm sure if they were firm but polite with him he would have obliged.
• And my last issue is mostly relating to the second video. The way that the police officers first tasered the guy 4 times, and then yell at him to get up. I mean I've grabbed an electric fence before, and after that I really wasnt feeling up to lifting weights with that hand. The fact that they kept yelling at him. Such aggression was really unnecessary. I mean if they sat there and quietly and calmly were like "right, get up, lets go" chances are he would have responded to that. But you yell at someone like that, it's just rude and chances are will make them dislike you and not want to do what you're telling them to do. Most parents learn this the hard way. In both videos the students seem genuinely frightened. In the first one to be fair the kid is full of conspiracy theories and thinks he's getting dragged off to a concentration camp, but they were both frightened by such displays of aggression. That in itself is proof for me that such behaviour was excessive.

So to conclude this long winded post, yes removing the students from the buildings may be understandable, and yes some force may have been needed to physically remove them, but using tasers was just ridiculous. And I was horrified to watch those videos and to see what was done to those guys. It's things like this that gives decent cops a bad reputation and makes their lives 10 times harder. All I can say is I'm just grateful we dont have campus cops over here!!!

Grade Review

I had a meeting this morning with my University mentor to discuss where I stand after my disastrous grades from last year.

As it turns out, I'm actually a lot better off than I thought I was. I posted previously how I thought I'd have to get 82% just to get a 2:1 equivalent degree (which is required for most graduate jobs). Well it turns out that figure is way out. As it stands, this year I only have to get 57.5% to get a 2:1 equivalent degree. It turns out my grades last year were only 1% off of the 2:1 mark, and my grades from the year before are high enough to boost my average right up, so this year I can average a C grade and still get a 2:1 degree. It's completely insane. I'm still coming to terms with it myself. It's such awesome news!!!

Dont get me wrong, that doesnt mean that I'm going to slack off this year! It just means I dont have the fear of flucking my degree hanging over me. This year I'm gonna show the world just how smart I really am and just what I can do by getting a Masters Degree with Distinction. :)

It's been a while

It's been far too long since I last posted. Almost a month now! I've not been avoiding this place, infact I've been taking notes of posts I mean to write, I'm just so busy I dont have the time.

However hopefully soon I'll get things in line and I'll be able to resume my journey with this blog.

Bear with me people, bear with me.

International Terror Alert Update

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats
and have raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved.' Soon, though
security levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even 'A Bit
Cross.' Londoners have not been 'A Bit Cross' since the blitz in 1940 when
tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from
'Tiresome' to a 'Bloody Nuisance.' The last time the British issued a
'Bloody Nuisance' warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
 
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide.' The only two higher levels in
France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate.' The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France's white
flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.
 
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly and Excitedly'
to 'Elaborate Military Posturing.' Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective
Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides.'
 
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
 
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy
can get a
really good look at the old Spanish  navy.

Stupid News

What is it with stupid news these days? They keep reporting non-news events.

For example "France wants to avoid war" - um...sorry, but what's new there? Is this supposed to come as a surprise to the world? Haven't they always gone for the avoid all conflict to the point of surrender option?

Or what about "Additives increase hyperactivity in children" - again, I thought we figured that out about 10 years ago? I've been brought up being told about E numbers and how they can make kids hyper, so how come it's suddenly made it into the news? Why do people need some study to tell them what they already know?

Where is the common sense? Why do they insist upon insulting our intelligence like this?

Friendships

The joy of being able to talk to someone who's on the same wavelength as you, who believes in what you're discussing, and who generally gets what you mean is fantastic. :D had one such conversation last night for a good 3 hours, it was great :)

i'm enjoying having more deep and meaningful relationships with some of my friends, really gettin to know them and what makes them tick. it's especially fantastic when that leads onto being able to hold each other accountable spiritually. i've been lacking that quite a lot.

so here's to friendships! :)

How to piss me off in 10 easy steps

It seems that some people just have a wonderful ability to push the right/wrong buttons and really get on my nerves. Here's the easiest way of doing it.

1. Take pictures of me
2. Demand to see bad pictures of me when i've already clearly stated that i dont like them
3. Walk slowly infront of me
4. Tickle me (usually results in physical violence)
5. Try to convince me that I do honestly like being tickled...i'm 21 years old, i think i know by now if i like it or not! Laughing is an involuntary responce!
6. Pick me up (one guy who did that almost got his windpipe ripped out)
7. Not listen to me when I clearly state I dont like something, and then continue to do it even when i've told you to stop, and then be all surprised when i get pissed off.
8. Guys being all pathetic and emo, you dont deserve to own a pair of balls if you act like that.
9. Do the whole "i always mess everything up" thing. at first i'll tell you that you dont because you've not really done anything wrong, but after 20 times i'm just gonna get pissed off and tell you that yes, you dont have a girlfriend/i dumped you/whatever is all your fault because you're a pathetic loser.
10. Only having a very small range of conversation. Like if all you ever talk about is how hard you are, your car or how much your ex-girlfriends hurt you then please dont be surprised if i stop talking to you! Or if all you can talk about is sex, or you keep hitting on me even after I've told you that you dont have a chance then dont be surprised if I start calling you a dick.

It seems that my ex is just button bashing right now, as he has a wonderful ability to hit quite a few of them right now.

Bourbon Dolphin

My dad has worked for about 6 years as the advanced medic and marine engineer on a standby boat in the seas around the Shetland Isles. His boat's purpose is to rescue people from the water should they fall off of an oil rig. In the past 6 years he has never been involved in any rescue operations. Well sadly that changed this weekend when he was involved in the rescue operation for the Bourbon Dolphin in which 8 Norwegian sailors, including a 14 years old boy on work experience were lost at sea. Shetland having such close ties with Norway, and being a seafaring community is obvioulsy still reeling from the blow. My mum says that my dad is holding up well though, considering the fact that he was a US Navy diver for 21 years, he is well accustomed to rescue operations of this type. Infact it was his boat that brought the Navy divers back to Shetland after the rescue attempt was abandoned.

My dad has always been my hero, and it's things like this that reaffirm why.