Staring blankly out of the window
Time skips by.
Mechanically going through pre-programmed activities
But with the power supply disconnected.
Even typical distractions have lost their appeal.
No energy, even my heart seems to stop.
And yet life races on, passing me by.
Who am I?
What am I doing?
Where am I going?
I don't know.
As I sit here struggling as to whether I'm going to cry or not and trying to pray but just hitting a brick wall I was keeping my mind occupied by seeing how many pages of entries my blog now has (it's 27 by the way) and I stumbled upon this poem that I wrote a few years ago.
At first glance, an ordinary night,
an ordinary town.
Sleeping, man is oblivious.
Yet the silence is deafening.
The earth holds her breath, waiting.
Something is stirring and she's ready.
A scream of pain,
Blood soaked straw,
A baby's cry.
And it starts,
it explodes.
He is here.
Nature bursts with joy,
Like a shock wave
the ripples spread.
All creation surges,
Electric, explosive.
A loud clamour of praise.
To those who are watching
the sight is both awesome
and yet terrifying.
Hosts of angels fill the sky
joining with all creation
they confirm the news.
The Creator walks the earth once more.
Terrorists cant touch me
Hit men are out of range
The only thing striking fear
Is what dwells within
An imagination that runs riot
A heart ready to break
Thoughts that run out of control
The fear that grips me now
is stronger than any other
because what i have to lose
i cant bear to be without
what if i do something wrong?
what if i mess it up?
silence rips me in two
the fear....
why do i believe you
when your words are sugar coated?
dressed up to impress
you make a fool out of me.
throwing words around
without a thought
but they crash around my head
why should i think i'm something special?
when you repeat the same stories
to every girl you meet
you play with my emotions
but this doll is fragile
and i break in your hands
but i guess it serves me right
different person, same mistake
you'd think i'd learn
to never listen, never believe.
maybe it's time i rebuilt
rebuilt my fortress
and shut you out
A place called Home
For the weary
travellers of this world
A source of Healing
For the Hurting
Children of mankind
A Safe Haven
For the battered
Come in from the storm
An orchard of Fruit
For the needy
By the Spirit sown
A gentle hand for the broken
Encouragement for the weak
And a heart that believes they can succeed.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23
To be ushered into the hall of the Almighty King,
To feel His Holy Presence.
In His brilliant Light
my filth is exposed
and I fall in shame.
But what is this Grace that bids me come?
What is this Love that would have me sing?
Praises this mouth is not fit to voice
A spring of worship from this polluted heart.
How can this bring Glory to such a perfect One?
Does it not defile Your Name?
Yet the tears of the whore
are not brushed away,
The cries of the broken
are not ignored.
Father God forgive me
I know not what I do
spreading hate and anger
when i should speak of You
Are we really all so different
that we never can relate?
or is it our indifference
that breeds this poisonous hate?
So covered by the labels
you cant see who we are
i ask myself today
how did it get so far?
yet we pin them on each other
till we're bleeding from inside
even pin them to our own chests
and wear them all with pride
but why? i ask myself
do we fight and hate at all?
when united we can stand
yet divided we will fall.
Kendall Payne: Grown
Raw, vulnerable, honest, the sort of woman I aspire to be.
Plumb: Chaotic Resolve
Can i express why i love Plumb so much? maybe not, but her lyrics are fascinating, and her music is amazing.
Jars of Clay: Furthermore
Some of my favourite songs are on here, real life, real music.
Lifehouse: No name face
This album has a song for every season of the soul, I always find myself coming back to it.
Greenday: American Idiot
I will never tire of dancing to this album!
Mike and the Mechanics: hits
Nostalgia, what can i say! I love this album plain and simple. It has my break-up songs on it.
Simon and Garfunkel: Tales from New York
Everyone should have this album! no excuses! they're my essential packing music, every year when i have to pack up all my belongings and move they're always playing!
Hatebreed: The Rise of Brutality
For some reason typepad wouldnt let me add my favourite hardcore punk album which is Faster Than The World by H2O so hatebreed would be my second choice. Despite the aggressive sound the lyrics are positive and personally i love hardcore punk.
Specials: Specials
No album list is complete without some SKA!!!! :) the best of black meets white, two-tone will always be my favourite style of music to skank the night away to!
Pillar: Fireproof
For some reason it wouldnt let me add my favourite album by this band which is "Where do we go from here?". I couldnt live without rock music, and this combines the best rock around with christian lyrics, a girl couldnt ask for more!
DC Talk: Intermission
No list would be complete without DC Talk. I fell in love with them as a young teen and they will always hold a special place in my heart! come on, you have to love the cheesy 90's rap!
Milton Cudney: Self-Defeating Behaviours
This is a great book if you're like me and have a habit of ruining things for yourself by doing really stupid things. It helps you to identify what exactly it is that you do, and how to change you're thoughts and actions. Although not written by christians a lot of what they have to say I could relate back to wisdom that is found in the bible. A very worthwhile read!
Charlotte Bronte: Jane Eyre (Wordsworth Classics)
This will always be my favourite book. I'm reading it again and altho i know exactly what's going to happen, the language that this book is written in still captivates me.
Frank Peretti: Monster
As a massive Frank Peretti fan i was not disappointed with the most recent addition to his collection. i was up all night reading it because i simply could not put it down. still not sure if it's as good as the oath, but then that is one of my all-time favourite books. this book has so many twists and turns it leaves you wondering who truely is the enemy/monster here. i loved it!
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